Well, this is about how a simple Biriyani became the costliest one I have ever had in my life. It might not look like the one in the pic above, let alone taste like it. And no, it wasn’t from Taj nor Sheraton, in fact, it was from our very own hostel mess. Rewind a couple of years, it was a night before our univ exams, and I was a not so proud final year student, what with a certain paper of Math giving me the creeps for some 6 semesters! Me, and 4 of my mates rented a house, not so far away from college. So, on this night, we got a call from our fellow final year students, that one of our friends has got a slap from a junior! And this was the night of feast in the hostel mess, where the day scholars aren’t even allowed to have a sniff at it, but we did manage to sneak in though.. So, some 30 odd day scholars from around the hostel managed to get in, actually have some Biriyani and Chicken Fry.
After the pait pooja, we all silently went to the hostel terrace, and lied down on our back, waiting for instructions from our hostelite mates, as to when we can actually come out and give some sound thrashings to the juniors. So, an hour passed by, and suddenly we saw a tinge of light from a torch, coming curiously in our direction of terrace. It was actually a handful when we found out who all actually came to the terrace. It was our Hostel Warden, his assistant, and the assistants assistant and so on, which also includes some senior lecturers staying in the quarters, who had the ugliest face I have ever seen, with a large pot belly, thanks to the Biriyani served time and again! We all got up and was standing in front of them, some of us managing to hide behind the tall people in front. :p Finally the warden managed to ask, what the hell do you all think you are doing in here?! And equally unexpectedly, a voice from our group called out in Tamil, ehh, we are f***ing each other! Since the staff were just some 6 or 7 odd spineless retards, and we were in 30s, they knew better than to provoke us.
They have actually come to know about the incident, and asked us to leave for our homes, and let the college take its action. But I dont know how or when, suddenly everyone started running around, me too joining in the mad rush, went to the first floor, caught hold of the person who triggered this, slapped him, kicked him and god knows what all.. Some of the bunch went to the ground floor, broke some windows, a couple of doors, and one guy even managed to pee in front of the wardens room, what with all this commotion. And in all this hullabaloo, me and my room mates were just mere spectators. The noise was so deafening that our principal too came into the hostel form his house in quarters, along with some other ugly fat lecturers, whose only aim in life was to eat free food from the mess, whenever there is a feast. Someone managed to call the cop, and the nearby ASI too joined us. They tried to calm us, informing us that they will certainly take action against the juniors, and none of us will face any interrogations or what so ever. After hours of consoling, we finally decided to call it a night and depart for our homes. After a couple of days, we found a list of names in the notice board who were caught in the act, and surprise of all surprises, my name was there in too!
Roll on Monday, interrogation starts. Let me introduce to you the panel of wannabes first.
Staff 1: A senior lect of Mech Engg., a fat and tall nincompoop, whose idea of terrorizing students is by flunking them in the lab. Always laughs, God alone knows what he finds so funny! Yucks!
Staff 2 & 3: Mentioning both together because they both are short, they both are fat, they both don’t have neck, and hogs anything and everything just like pigs, they both have the same kind of beards. In fact, they both compliment each other so well that if one says ‘my face and your ass, what’s the difference?’, it holds good for both of’em! lol trust me, I could strangle them both with my bare hands! Gggrrrrr….
Staff 4: A decent enough man, our hostel deputy warden. Lets leave it at that.
Staff 5: A fat clown, our beloved HOD who turned Dean, might be in his early 60′s I guess, mouth always red with Pan Parag, trousers below the pot belly to show his complete 6 packs, and shirts always stained with no idea what! I don’t hate him because he always makes me laugh with his histrionics, in fact, though he was the biggest in the panel, his role was just that of a court jester. :p
Day 1: *waits from 9:00Am to 4:00PM, I am not called*
Day 2: *Ditto*
Day 3: *dances around after guessing that I have been let off the hook*
Day 4: *waits from 9:00Am to 3:00PM* Suddenly a voice calls out my name, and me springs into action. Me entered the chilled room, and they asked my name, and I gave it to them. Suddenly a worker came with lunch which could have fed a nation, and they asked me to wait outside.. :X (Damn those asses, I didn’t even have my lunch yet, Ugh!)
Me goes in again after their tummy is filled, and the firing starts! I explain that my only intention was to have Biriyani, but they had better plans for me.
Pig 1: Hmm, I see your name in the list!
Me: But I am innocent sir. (Just tell me who gave my name and I will rip him apart!!!)
Pig 1: Then why is your name in here?!
Me: I have no clue, sir. (You clown, how would I know why my name is in there, enlighten me if you know you ass!)
Pig 2: Everyone says the same thing.
Me: *silence* (Oh, who asked you, you d***head, gobbed the whole food without even leaving a single thing, ugly b*****)
Clown: I know this guyy ma, he is verry quiet, and a verry good fellaaaw ma.
Me: *smiles at him* (Oh yeah, I know that too, what else?! )
Pig 1: Hmm, he looks like a silent killer to me.
Me: *looks at him innocently* (F*** you, if you werent a staff in here, I’d have shooted your a*** with a dart gun! :X )
Pig 2: How many arrears do you have!?
Me: Sir, err, just 1 at the moment. (Why the f*** did you ask that, to insult me?!! )
Pig 1: See, this guy doesn’t even study, he just loafs around and beats juniors, look at him, he looks just like a rowdy.
Me: *stares at him* (You F***hole, if only I had a needle, I’d have punctured your big fat belly with it!! )
Mech lect.: Hmmm, ok, if you didn’t do, who did it!? I need names.
Me: I don’t know sir, there were some 60 odd people in there and I seriously dont remember anyone’s name. (Was it necessary to ask that question Sherlock!? )
Mech lect.: Don’t act too smart, I will suspend you if you don’t give me the names.
Me: *silence* (F*** you too, Go ahead, suspend me, I might kill you for this.)
Mech lect.: He wont listen like this, lets call his parents.
Me: :’| (You sadistic B********, I would have given you a round house kick if you were alone in here, you spineless retard!)
*All the clowns nod in agreement*
They asked my dad’s number and I gave it to them as my dad is abroad. I never for once thought that these s***holes would actually make an ISD call.. Well, they did call him and told some things which I didn’t even consider doing it in my lifetime, and made life miserable for me and my dad (and I still hate those d***heads for that). Finally, I got a weeks suspension. Well, me took a week’s deserved rest abusing them every single minute, and watching movies.
And just before the Univ exam, they put out the final list of short listed candidates, after many rounds of elimination. Yippeeee, I made it. The cost, or rather bill of having the Goddamned Biriyani was just 2 Grands!!! 2 f***ing Grands!??!?! Some extremely blessed people had fine as high as 3 Grands, like one of my roomies.. :p They not only charged me for the ISD call they made to my dad, but also for the damn food they hogged till their throat for a week, micturated rugs, and some damaged properties. Phew, so much for a BIRIYANI!